Who Am I? Where Am I? and What am I doing?

That's how I've been feeling lately. Things at work have been crazy and Casey is working late almost every night. I'm trying to find the time to get my work done, clean my house, play with my kid, spend time with my husband....There's just not enough time in the day. As a longtime overachiever, it's hard for me to not do everything in my life as perfectly as I can, but I've finally had to say "enough is enough". I'll do the best I can. This means, only cleaning the hardwood floors twice a week instead of 4, giving Courtney peanut butter and jelly for dinner sometimes, and watching a DVD at home with Casey as a date instead of going out. I have to stop feeling bad about myself for not meeting my own expectations and I really need to start ignoring the criticisms of others. There are a couple women I know, that to my face, act like they agree with some of the stuff I say and do and then go behind my back and voice their real opinion about how they would NEVER do some of the stuff I do or give their child what I give Courtney. Too much tv, too much processed food, not enough of an immune system because I didn't breastfeed, too long on the bottle....STOP THE MADNESS PEOPLE AND GET A LIFE! Worry about your own kid!

Of course, among all this craziness, something has to go REALLY wrong. A week after Courtney's shots, she developed a red, swollen bump near one of her shot sites and had a relatively high fever for a few days. My parents took her to the doctor for me, (because Casey and I were both swamped at work...thank god for grandparents) and the doctor was actually quite concerned. The prolonged fever is not a normal side effect of her immunizations, so she put her on a really strong antibiotic for a leg infection. That was scary! But she started feeling better after a couple of days taking the medicine. I felt bad leaving her every day, but I didn't have much of a choice. Then, a mild fever came back, and just as I was about to freak out and take her back to the doctor, I noticed that she had cut two molars! Poor thing. What a trouper she is. She always tries so hard to be happy. These last few days, she's been throwing a lot of tantrums, but I'm cutting her a little slack until after Christmas...

I'm off all next week and we're doing away with the bottle cold turkey! It's really the only way to do it and just be done with it. It will not be pretty, but the doctor is pretty adamant about getting her off it. If we wait too much longer it's just going to make it that much harder! I'm sure I'll be posting several times next week, venting and updating on the progress. Wish me luck!

Christmas will be a ton of fun! I overindulged her, but my parents really are spoiling her! She is such an angel with them and makes them so happy, especially my father. We're all going to turn her into a monster. We all cater to her because now that she can tell us exactly what she wants, we just run around and get it for her! And if we don't, she voices her displeasure. My husband finally just told her last week, "you are not the boss of this house" and she kind of gave him a look that said "yeah, right, now get me my cheerios you yahoo!"

Below are her latest pics...what a ham!
Happy holidays!

15 Month Checkup

Overall, it went really well. She weighs 23.5 pounds and is 29" long. She is in the 50th percentile in height and 75th in weight. So, basically, she is short and stout! The doctor was extremely impressed with her mobility, coordination and especially, her vocabulary. We did get chewed out for her still being on the bottle. She gave us a deadline of Christmas to get her off it. I don't like those kinds of deadlines! So, I will give it a shot when I'm off work for a week during Christmastime. We really should have done this earlier, but we've been dreading it since day one!

Then, at the end of the appointment, she had to get 5 different shots. My husband took her into the back room, because I just can't handle it. Then I hear her screaming and crying to the nurse "All done, all done, all done". It was soooo pitiful. Then Casey came out with tears in his eyes. He felt she had looked right into his soul as if to say "how could you let her do that to me?". Then, the nurse asked if she could have a lollipop. Casey said no, because I normally don't let her have any candy, but I immediately said yes. I let Casey give it to her so he could make peace and she immediately shut up. She was sooo happy on the way to my mom's. She knew exactly what to do with that lollipop. She called it her "pipipop!" It was so precious.

She has been a lot of fun these last few weeks. And she's just so charming with everyone. Yesterday we were over our friends' house that have a 4 month old baby, and she was bouncing her on her bouncy, saying "wheeeee!". She loves babies. She'll just have to play with other people's babies, because I don't plan on having any more! And that's ok. I have a beautiful, perfect little girl, who is the center of my universe. When and if I feel there's something missing in my family, I will cross that bridge then!

Is this what being rested feels like?

I really can't remember. I've been compensated for the year of hell Courtney put me through because now she is just an angel of a sleeper. I know I'm probably jinxing myself by writing this, but I really feel the need to celebrate! She sleeps from 8PM to 7AM every morning and takes one nap a day for 2-3 hours! She's a much happier child because of it, and we are much happier parents. It makes the time I spend with her more enjoyable because we're both not so cranky from being overly tired.

The bottle weaning, on the other hand, is not going so well. Still 2 a day. I've decided to not obsess....yeah like that's going to happen!

Her speech is continuing to improve. She repeats the last word of every sentence I say. So, the other day when I told her that I was changing her shirt because it was too tight and it made her look like a hoochie, she proceede to say "hoochie" for the next hour as we're shopping in Target. Nice! And last week, when I changed the ring on my cell phone to the Gwen Stefani song "Hollaback Girl", she asked that we play it "Again! Again! Again!" Then busted out in the chorus..."hollaback geerlll!" It was a very proud moment. She has a very bad lisp because she's tongue-tied, meaning the flap of skin connecting her tongue to her mouth is too close to the tip of her tongue. We'd been warned when she was born it could affect her speech, but we opted not to get the skin cut, in hopes the tongue would grow and the problem would improve. Well, it hasn't much, so I hope she doesn't have to go to speech therapy or anything. I'm having flashbacks to the Brady Bunch episode where Cindy Brady gets teased for her lisp "baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder you can walk!" I guess there are worse things.

Well, that's it for now. I was going to post a photo taken last Wednesday at the portrait studio, but when I inserted the CD with the proofs on it, I was suddenly looking at this tiny, hispanic baby that was definitely not mine! I'm hoping they didn't give ours to someone else. The idea of someone else looking at photos of my little girl on their computer is creeping my husband out!

The Hug Game

Things have been hectic in the Houtz household because we've had contractors finally installing our new floors after an unfortunate plumbing mishap last month. The babysitter has been watching Court at her house and her routine has been majorly thrown off. I've created a creature of habit (much like myself) and she doesn't respond well to change. This is good and bad. Good because her schedule has helped her sleep and eat better and because we can all predict how the day will unfold, more or less. It's bad because it's made her a bit..umm..."inflexible", if you will. It really killed the bottle weaning process this week. When she's upset or out of sorts, she cries for her baba as her one and only comfort item (besides me, that is). So, I've relented and she's back to 3 or 4 bottles a day, after getting her down to 2. Sucks, but it is what it is. I went online to find some mothers in similar situations so that I can get some advice, and all I get is responses from zealous stay-at-home moms going on and on about how their kids have been off the bottle since they were like 10 months. Now, how is that supposed to be helpful? Don't these women have better things to do than make other moms feel bad? They should just concentrate on mothering their perfect children...Ok...vent over! I'm just boycotting that site.

There are some awesome things going on, though. Courtney is continuing to blossom into this incredible little girl (wow, I sound like Tom Cruise gushing over Katie Holmes)., but it's true. She will constantly say the last word in whatever sentence you just finished. She is stringing together 2-3 words into her own little mini-sentences. "mommy, elmo book". "mommy, up night-night". Of course, all her sentences start with mommy! She also loves to say her name. She'll run down the hall and I'll yell"Courtney" where are you? and she'll yell "Courtney" back because she thinks it's a game. Only when she says it, she sounds like she's from Boston. Her R's aren't very pronounced. It's cute.

The best thing that's going on is that she now LOVES to give hugs. It's become a game in the morning. I'll put my arms up and say "big hug" and she runs into my arms and gives me the biggest bear hug. We'll do that like 20 times in a row. I can't even describe the feeling. It's neat to see her develop these new desires to show affection. You know your kid loves you, but it's better to have them show it. It brightens my day no matter how much my house is in disarray!

Where does the time go?

My life is a blur! I wake up between 6 and 6:30, feed and change Court, feed the dogs, make Court's lunch, lay out her clothes for the day, try and shower before the babysitter gets there, but that doesn't usually happen. When the she gets to my house at 8AM, I am usually sitting on the couch watching Playhouse Disney with Court on my lap, feeding her Cheerios, in my pajamas and my hair all askew. I would normally be embarrassed having someone see me like that, but I pick my battles...trying to blow dry my hair and put makeup on with a 14 month old clinging to my leg, is just not one of them!

The current battle du jour is weaning my little angel from the bottle. It is supposed to be done by the time she's 15 months old (that's in 16 days) per her pediatrician. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! She's down to 2 bottles a day normally, for her naptime and bedtime, but when she's upset about her routine being changed or is cutting a tooth, all she wants is her bottle. It's the one comfort item she's ever had. No pacifier, blanky, dirty teddy bear...just her baba! Unfortunately, it's the worst thing healthwise. I lay in bed worrying about her teeth rotting while she sleeps! I go online and see these disgusting photos of "bottlemouth" that literally make my stomach turn. But I'm just not ready to force the issue. In most ways, it's awesome that she can tell me exactly what she wants now that her communication skills are better than most 2-year olds (I'm not exaggerating), but it sucks in some ways because it's harder to say now, when she asks for things so pitifully!

She is down to one nap a day, and it's awesome, because it's for like 2-3 hours. You can get a lot done in that time, but most of the time, I just take a nap myself! I missed those naps! Used to be my favorite thing in the world to do! Might still be!

Halloween was fun. Did the trick or treating thing. She was a beautiful butterfuly running down the sidewalk. When she gets excited, as she did that night, her right arm swings really fast back and forth in front of her body, like she's saying "Clear a path people, I'm on a mission". It's hilarious. I'll attach a photo soon of her in her cute little costume.

Otherwise, things are going great. Getting plenty of sleep. Enjoying the heck out of the conversations I have with my daughter. We're having conversations now! She can say just about anything now....in two languages no less. I will have to update more often now that quarterend is over at work because I can't possibly remember all the cute things she's done the last 2 weeks.

Little Adult

We took Court to Target this weekend (a working mom's paradise) and I realized just how much she watches and emulates me. She was walking around the aisles (as she will not stay in her stroller much anymore), grabbing the clothes off the racks and saying "cute". I was cracking up.

My brother bought her a miniature grocery cart with little groceries and that's her new favorite toy. She takes the groceries in and out of the cart a million times a day, picks up the packages and pretends to read the labels. I know she gets that from me!

She's also doing this little hair flip thing that freaks me out because it's like she's this little Monica clone. Scary! Can the world really handle another one of me?

We even have matching hairdos. Her hair is getting so long, I really don't know what to do with it. It's not long enough for pigtails, so most days she gets this big Pebbles pom-pom on the top of her head to keep the hair out of her face. The pics below show some of her bad (and one good) hair days.

Too cute

I really need to update this more often. Too much cute stuff is going on and I'm forgetting it all!
I'll start with an update on her everexpanding vocabulary:

vamonos - grabs my hand and pulls me where she wants to go, with a little flip of her hair
Courtney - Puts her hands on her chest and says her name and claps for herself. I was worried she wouldn't know her name, since we call her everything but her name, and every person has a different nickname for her, so my husband was determined to teach her. She's not real good with the "c" sound so right now, it sounds like "Ourney", but it's a start
Einsteins! - Loves the new Little Einstein program, so I bought the video. It's so cute that we actually turned off the Monday Night Football game last night so she could watch it because she asked so darned nicely.
Uncle - she used to hate my brother but seems to be warming up to him as late. Thank goodness!
Uh-oh Spagetti-o - Just adorable. But I need to explain to her that when she throws her cup of cheerios on the ground on purpose, this does not constitute an "uh-oh".
Thankyou-Welcome - she says it altogether now that she knows the sequence. She figures she'll get the entire thing out of the way from the beginning.

We've also hit quite a milestone in the Houtz household! She now takes naps in her crib at home. You have no idea how happy this makes me. It was causing me major stress! She's winding down to one nap a day, so her schedule is all over the place, but the one constant now is that her nap will be in her crib.

Our current battle is her frequent bouts of constipation. I know this is a gross subject, but such is life. Since we switched her to whole milk, every bowel movement seems painful and difficult. She goes stiff and if she's standing up, she just falls over and stays stiff on the ground in an almost pushup position. It's really quite pitiful. I've tried daily does of prune juice and that doesn't seem to be helping. Who knew that my husband and I's lives would revolve around baby poop! If she goes, we get all excited and a good day is had by all. If she doesn't, we talk about how she didn't go and anxiously await her next one. Wow, we need to get more of a life.

Till next time

We're Back from "Bacation"

That's what Courtney called it. We went to Palm Desert to visit my father-in-law for a week. It was our first family vacation. I have to admit I was pretty nervous. As usual, I obssessed about the sleeping situation: How will we get her to nap without the big stroller? What if she wants to sleep with us in that tiny guestroom bed? Do you think your dad will get up with her in the morning? Turns out my worry was for not. She was amazing. Went right down in the port-a-crib at night and slept all night every night. She napped twice a day every day, even for my FIL one day when he watched her for us. She had a great time, though we battled bouts of crankiness due to a stubborn tooth breaking through on the bottom. I'm exhausted, though! Seven days straight chasing after a 14 month old is no walk in the park, let me tell you. I can tell you that I treasured every moment, but that would just be an out and out lie. I'm sure that sounds terrible, but I'm just being honest.

Despite my post vacation exhaustion, we all really did have a good time, especially Court who had 4 grown people fawning all over her 24-7.
Day 1: spent hours spending a small fortune at the Palm Springs Outlets on baby clothes. $400 later, I realized I only bought myself an $8 T-shirt. But Court got some really cute Skechers that light up on the bottom. A definite must-have!
Day 2: The living desert. Palm Desert's version of a zoo. It was freakin' hot, but she didn't seem to care, as she brushed every single goat in the place...TWICE.






Day 3: Tried swimming in the pool. She wasn't having it. I'm stressed, of course. We spent a ton of money on swim lessons last spring, and now she's afraid of the water. Maybe she's only afraid of cold water...she's used to a pool heated to 90 degrees. I'm hoping that's what it is, but you can be sure that I will soon be placing a call to Fremont Swim School to book her for the winter session. But, she did look cute running around in her diaper. As soon as I took it off so she could wade around naked, she peed on the ground. Not quite housebroken!





Day 4: A break at last! The in-laws took her for a day. They were so excited and I gave in despite my initial worry-wart, overprotective reservations, because I was desparate for some time with my husband. So Casey and I went to lunch and gambled at one of the local Indian Casinos. He won $700 playing cards, which paid for the trip (except for the outlet spending spree), and we came home to a napping child! My FIL rocks! They took her to a children's play museum and to the park. I guess their plan was to fully exhaust her until she fell over into a nap. Well, it worked.
The pic below is one they took of her dressing up as a vet. I don't think she liked it, but it made for a great picture!





We basically chilled the rest of the week and took a ton of pics. I'll close off this entry with my current fave!
Also..I should mention that the pic of Courtney and my FIL at the track won 3rd place in an online photo contest!

Mother's Groups


Don't get me wrong. I'm all for mommy's groups, whether they be live or online. I just don't like the way they make me feel sometimes. I go to BabyCenter to chat online or visit the boards and most of the time, I get really helpful information, but some other times, I leave feeling like an inadequate mother, and I can't help but think that's exactly how some of these other mothers would like me to feel. I go on about how frustrated or concerned I am about a situation and solicit feedback from others in similar circumstances and I get responses like "well, I can't relate because my child is so perfect, blah, blah, blah" "how can you feed your child prepared food...they have their whole lives to eat junk" "you put your child down with a bottle...don't you follow the Weissbluth technique?" "You mean to tell me you didn't buy the Britax carseat?" "Well, Sally walked and talked at 9 months, is your kid a retard or something?" I'm exaggerating a little, but not a whole lot! Our children will have the rest of their lives to be exposed to competition among other children or between adults. How can we in good conscience begin subjecting them to it now in order to fulfill our own disgusting need to feel adequate? It's made me obssessed with trivial things like sippy cups, naptimes, shoes, diapers...I mean, are these really the important things about motherhood?

Well, enough ranting, I guess. I will just tune out the naysayers and focus on the support I do get from some of the really wonderful mothers I know. I get some really great advice, but I usually like it when I actually ASK for it.

Speaking of advice...It's been suggested that we purchase Court her very first POTTY! Lately, she's been telling us that she's peeing. My husband hasn't quite gotten that yet. The other night he was drawing her bath and she said "pee-pee" He then proceeded to take off her diaper and she peed all over the floor! She's also tugging at her diaper. I have no delusions that she will be potty-trained anytime soon. I just want her to get used to the idea that she has her own potty. Now the really important question....do I get the Dora the Explorer or Elmo potty chair? I'm sure there's a discussion board somewhere arguing about that very decision right now!

Learning Curve

I know it's only been a year, but looking back, I realize that I have already made a TON of parenting mistakes. Most of these I didn't know any better, some I knew better but did them anyway, and the remaining errors in judgement have been pointed out to me by others (unsolicited).

I didn't realize that the amount of hours I've spent on the floor playing with her would actually hinder her sense of independence and ability to entertain herself! She can't do anything without wanting me to be a part of it. I'm not so bothered by this as I am by the fact that she will not eat very well in her highchair. My husband and I do not eat at the kitchen table, but rather in front of the TV on trays. I know, I know, not good for family dynamics, blah, blah, blah. So, she likes to run around and come to us every couple minutes to get a bite of food. We've set a bad example. I should have started her on the sippy cup earlier because now, it's a bit of a battle. But I didn't realize how early it's recommended to introduce the cup. She was just so small at 5 months.

The other bigger mistakes, which I'm paying dearly for now, were more conscious decisions to go against my better judgement and expert advice everywhere! We bring Courtney into our bed sometimes early in the mornings and she sleeps with us for a couple of hours. It's really the only way we can sleep in and we just get so desparate for sleep that we are willing to do just about anything. Surprisingly, this hasn't affected her sleeping habits too much. I actually think she's not that crazy about sleeping with us. I also let her have her way if she whines too much...I've even been known to offer her a cookie to shut her up! When I told this to my boss, he just looked at me, shook his head and said "rewarding bad behavior, shame on you!". Yeah, Yeah, I know! Because of this, she has mastered the art of the temper tantrum, and now I must take back control! Also due to lack of sleep, we got her used to only napping in her stroller. At the time, again, we were desparate and then, she just became accustomed to it, so now we're stuck!

Others love to tell us when we've messed up. My mom tells me that I've spoiled her too much, my boss tells me I need to institute the timeout, random strangers give me the stinkeye in the store when she starts to whine a little, (when I know that they really want me to do is smack her). Surrounded by all these experts, you would think I would be the perfect mom...NOT!

Precocious is an understatement!

I am continually amazed by how aware and engaged Court is on a daily basis. She's like this miniature adult with stubby legs. She doesn't stop talking from the moment she awakes in the morning (very casually saying "MOM!" into the monitor to get my attention) to the time she goes to bed and says "night, night". Things have changed from her merely mimicking (sp?) us to actually knowing what she's communicating. It must be a great relief for her to be able to tell us what she's feeling or what she wants, though there is some frustration when we still don't give her everything she wants. She looks at us incredulously as if to say "but I said PLEASE!"

She knows most of her body parts, she counts to 3 on her fingers (she's actually copying a Baby Einstein video...she has no idea what counting means), she pretends to read books out loud in this matter of fact tone of voice, she points to pictures on the fridge and identifies me, Casey and my parents (papa and nana). My husband farted last night and Court laughed and made a raspberry sound with her mouth. That was a first also, but I'm not quite as proud of that one! I'm starting to lose track of all the cute things she's doing. I might have to post more often.

My parents took her to Chuck E Cheese for the first time on saturday and she had a blast! Apparently, she dragged my dad around by the finger to all the different toddler rides and was in love with the Chuck E Cheese puppets performing on stage, pointing to the them and yelling "Mira, Mira" (Spanish for "Look"). What a character! My mom said she is constantly being stopped by strangers who tell her how breathtakingly beautiful she is, especially her big blue eyes. It's strange because Casey and I aren't exactly extraordinarily goodlooking people, so I guess our genes meshed pretty well! She got all the traits from my husband that I wanted her to get (and I few personality quirks I hoped she wouldn't). I don't believe anyone really wants their child to be miniature versions of themselves, at least I don't, so I'm glad she's a good mixture of us both! Can't wait to see what develops next!

Courtney Gone Wild!

She is learning about her body parts, like her nose, eyes and mouth, but she's also been interested in mine and Casey's body parts too lately. So, the other day, I was getting ready to take a shower and I had her in the bathroom playing with her toys (I was home alone, and desperate for a shower). She's seen me naked tons of time, but this time, she was really staring at boobs as if she's never seen them before. I never nursed her, so she has been pretty unfamiliar with them thus far. She grabbed by boob and said "what sa?" I told her they were mommy's Chi Chis (spanish slang for breasts). Then I showed her where Courtney's chichis were and she was absolutely enthralled with the whole idea. Ever since, she's been going around pointing to mine, Casey's, my mom's and lifting her own shirt up to show hers and chanting "chichis, chichis, chichis". It's her new favorite word! Great...

A couple of days ago, she saw Casey get out of the shower...pointed to his "you know what" and made the sound of a monkey. I'm not really sure what that was about, but it was hilarious. We are now a little more modest about Casey's nudity in front of her. It's sad that she's getting older and we have to think about those things now, but it's a reality we must face. We have to start thinking about how we want to address the subject of our bodies and sexuality with a little girl in the house. I certainly don't want her to be a prude or uncomfortable about her body, but I don't want her to be flashing random strangers either! Raising a daughter is touchy stuff! I don't want her to end up as screwed as I am about her body image.

That's my philosophizing for now.
Please see new pics below. One of Court with Casey's dad studying the racing form at the race track a couple of weeks ago. And one of her pretending to be a ghost after her bath. It's her new favorite pasttime. She actually covers her face with her towel and walks around saying boo, bumping into walls, falling down and cracking up about it. Not sure what's so entertaining about it, I always like to hear her laugh!

MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!

I stayed home with Court these last 2 days because her babysitter is in Mexico visiting family on a much needed vacation. When she gets back, I am seriously giving her a medal. This stay at home mom stuff is soooo hard. It's definitely been great spending time with her, but I think it's made her more clingy. She's already been suffering from separation anxiety these last few weeks and me being with her constantly these last few days is making it worse, I think. Oh well. It's just a phase. Though it is hard to hear her say mommy like 3000 times a day for everything, it feels great at the same time because she just loves me so much.

I went to the mall with MY mommy today and with Courtney and it was hilarious. Three generations of Alexander women tearing up the stores! We took her out of the stroller and she proceeded to run around Macy's like a child possessed. She went from makeup counter to counter and banged on the glass, looked at her reflection, pointed and said "baby". She was pretty excited. But when we made her stop she threw the biggest fit. She's gotten pretty good at those temper tantrums. She threw a big one in Target. She threw herself on the ground and flung her head back. I barely caught her time before she hit the back of her head on the hard ground. I've become one of those frazzle looking moms with a screaming, misbehaving kid in the mall. I can't believe it. I feel sorta bad for judging all those other women just like me for all those years! I have newfound respect for mothers everywhere!

Then, we bought her an outfit (rewarding bad behavior) at Gymboree. We got the skirt and shirt, so of course, we had to get the matching sweater, hat and socks! $85 later, we got the most beautiful outfit that she will only be able to fit into for the next 6 months. Money well spent.

As promised, attached are a couple of pics from her b-day party. A couple of weeks laterI am remembering the party being much more fun than I originally reported!

Happy Birthday Baby.

I can't believe I survived the first year. It's been the most amazing, trying time of my life, but I feel as if I have emerged a good mother and a better person.

On 8/27, we had what was supposed to be a small get-together at the local park to celebrate Courtney's first birthday. It exploded into a 30 guest rager with tons of food, beer and only 3 other children present. I spent the day chasing after Court, who would not take a morning nap for me before the party, so needless to say, she was a handful. I didn't enjoy most of the party, though I am grateful for everyone who came to see my little girl and buy her a gift. I was tired, she was tired, and it was difficult to mingle, when I had to see to her every need as she was most difficult than normal. My husband was barbecuing and totally busy.

I'd like to thank Casey for doing a marvelous job with the party. We planned a barnyard animal themed party because that seems to be the only specific thing that Courtney is into. She adores her Baby Einstein Baby MacDonald video and sings along. So, we had a barnyard cake, and there was a petting zoo at the park, with a pony named Poncho that she kept dragging everyone to go visit. She would point to him and say E-I-E-I-O. She wasn't much interested in any of her guests, but she actually like the presents, well the paper anyways. She got some beautiful clothes..more little girl clothes, rather than baby clothes. She's getting so big! She got a lot of books, which are her favorite thing in the world and a couple of toys which she already loves. I caved and put sugar in her cake, though she didn't really eat it as much as she rubbed the icing all over her face. I have some great pics of the party which I will upload this week and add to the blog hopefully. They are adorable

She actually turned one on 8/28. I did a lot of reflecting that day. A little over a year ago, I was eagerly anticipating the arrival of this unknown baby, and after she was born, I spent time wondering how her personality would develop. Now, she has a very distinct personality: funny, smart, friendly, stubborn, polite. It's amazing watching this beautiful creature turn into her own person and know that you had a little something to do with it. It's an experience I almost cannot even describe.

She had her one-year well-check with her pediatrician last week. She weights 21 lbs 10 oz, and is 29" tall. The dr said she should be saying 3-5 words by the time she's 15 months old, but she listed the words in her vocabulary and she actually says 32! She's a little chatterbox and a mimic. Casey and I have really had to watch our language. No missteps yet, but she'll try to say anything we say. She has good manners also, saying please and thank you. I'm just so proud I could burst.

Ok, enough of all this sappy stuff. I promise next time I will go back to sharing cute stories, struggles and sarcastic remarks.

I will share one story this week.
I tried to give her a nectarine yesterday and she spit it out, handed it back to me and said "no....thank you". That was the first time she'd ever been so polite about not liking something. She normally throws it off the side of her highchair to the dogs, who are eagerly awaiting.

She also thinks the name of our dogs are Sissy and "No-No" when their real names are Zoe and Fred. We call Zoe Sissy, so I'm not surprised she calls her that, but I feel bad that she calls Fred "No-No". That just means that she notices that we are always yelling no at that poor dog!

She cracks me up!

Mommy Who?

Well, I'm back, not that Courtney noticed much!
I went to NH for work for the past 3 days and came in late last night. I snuck into her room to watch her sleep and I swear she looked bigger laying there in her crib! She's grown since Monday!

Then, this morning I thought she'd be really excited to see me when she woke up. Not so much...I don't think children this age understand the concept of missing someone (or that's just what I'm telling myself). I expressed my concerns to my mother who then proceeded to tell me that if someone took her from me at this age, she would forget all about me! Thanks mom for the encouraging (and not at all inappropriate) comments.

Ahhh...they grow so fast. Who needs mommy! After all, she will be one this sunday. I can't believe how fast this year went by, how big she's gotten, how much she's changed, how independent she's become. It's been my honor watching her grow this year... (sniff, sniff)

MARTYR MOM




Let me begin by saying that no one can take care of my daughter as well as I can, not even my husband, or my mother. With that being said, I can't be with her all the time, so I will have to settle for mediocre care (being somewhat sarcastic). I have been having trivial issues with Courtney's babysitter lately, and my husband just finallly called me on it. Every day, I find something different to complain about.

For awhile, I complained that the babysitter never dressed her in the clothes I laid out for her the night before. She watches Courtney in our home and gets there shortly after she awakes and doesn't change her out of her pajamas until her morning nap. I always lay her clothes out the night before, but I would come home to find her in something completely different! How dare her rummage through my daughter's dresser and closet to choose other clothes! What was wrong with the outfit I chose..did it not meet her standards! My husband finally pointed out that her granddaughter (who lives next door) was having fun dressing her up in pretty clothes like a doll, and it made her really happy, so let it go already. At least she was wearing clothes she never got to wear anyway and was getting use out of them before she grew out of them. Point taken.

Then, I became irritated that I couldn't always find all her toys in the evening. I'm so anal, I actually count her Weebles, Little People and Books while I clean up before bedtime. Then, I voiced to my husband my suspicion that the babysitter's grandchildren were stealing Courtney's toys! I had to have a conversation with their mother. Then, I would feel like an ass when Casey would find them the next day under the couch!

My current obssession is how I believe the babysitter is not trying hard enough to get Courtney to take her afternoon nap! She doesn't care about her enough to make sure she gets proper sleep. When, in actuality, she is transitioning herself to one nap a day, like most one-year olds do!

So, apparently, I've lost my mind! And it's a good thing I don't voice these concerns to the babysitter, because then I would run the danger of losing an absolutely amazing caregiver. It's borne of guilt for not being with my daughter all day every day, and I know that in my mind, but my heart is quick to make me lash out at everyone because I miss my little girl. But Casey always brings me back to reality. It doesn't get easier, but I should feel fortunate for the help I have.

On a brighter note, my daughter is bilingual! Absolute genius!
She says agua when she wants or sees her cup of water and says "Chito" for Lechito when the babysitter gives her milk. Did I mention her sitter speaks Spanish? Another awesome benefit.

She's also learned to say Thank You, Pee Pee, Baby, Hi, Bye and Fishy!
Did I mention she's a genius?

Separation Anxiety...

I believe I suffer from this more than Courtney does. When I leave her with the babysitter in the morning, she barely lifts her head up from her activities...just raises her hand and says "Bye". I know I should be happy that she loves her babysitter and I no longer suffer from the belief that she thinks she's her mother, but my heart breaks a little every time I leave her.
Next week, I am going on my first ever business trip to New Hampshire for 4 DAYS!. I've never spent more than 12 hours away from her since she's been born, so this is a big deal for me. My stomach aches already just thinking about it. I'm trying to look at it as a nice, welcome break, but in all honesty, I no longer crave a break from her. She's just too darned entertaining! And now that she's sleeping through the night and wakes up later in the morning, I'm not as exhausted as I used to be. I really feel as if I'm getting this whole "mother" thing down and am beginning to forget why I used to think it was so hard!

I am finding that I really don't want too much "me" time. I feel that's wasting time I could be spending with her. And it's not out of guilt, it's because it's genuinely what I want to do. When she goes to sleep, I do my household chores, scrapbook, read, or god forbid, spend some quality time with my husband. Is this really healthy? for me or for my marriage?

For now, I will continue to revel in the fabulousness that is my daughter and do what feels natural. I am proud of her independence and resilience and I hope my husband and I had a little something to do with that!

Another funny story...
She now picks up the telephone, puts it backwards behind her ear and says "no" in the same tone that you or I would say hello. She thinks that's what we're saying when we answer the phone. She then proceeds to walk around the whole house for 10-15 minutes repeating it over and over again, until we tell her to take a message, then she puts it down. I am constantly amazed by how much she actually comprehends.

New word:
Sea Turtle

I swear to god! On her Baby Doolittle video, every time the sea turtle comes on the screen she points to it and says it as clear as day. She's done it several times now so I know it's not my imagination!

She's a genius!

Many people have been advising me to start a blog for all my funny (and some not so funny) stories about my daughter Courtney who will be turning 1 on 8/28. I've been hesitant, because I am a little old-fashioned, but they have a point. I don't want to forget all the wonderful things I'm experiencing on this most amazing adventure. Until recently, I've kept a scrapbook of all of those firsts that occur in the first year of life, but now, things are starting to get really interesting now that she's walking and talking.

Brief history of life:
Born 8/28/04 Courtney Rose 7 lbs 5 oz via C-Section (I'd rather not share that story...still traumatizing)
Began crawling - 6 months
First tooth - 8 1/2 months
Began walking - 9 1/2 months
First real word - 10 months

Current vocabulary:
mommy, daddy, doggy, baba (bottle), NO (her current fave), meow, ball, book, nana, papa, down, night-night, wawa (water), bathtime...and she mimics us a lot, but doesn't usually repeat the words much afterwards

She's a hilarious child, with a wicked sense of humor already. She loves to sing and dance and read books. She watches Baby Einstein Videos and the Playhouse Disney programs.

I will continue to update with stories and milestones or just to vent so that I can keep track of my thoughts through all this. It's about time I began to process what I've experienced during this most wonderful, difficult, exhausting, exhilarating year of my life.

I will begin by sharing the occurrence of Courtney's first swear word. Last night, I was yelling at my dog to get down off her highchair, as I was trying to clean it. My exact words were, "Fred, get down, goddammit!" Then, clear as day, I hear Court from the other room repeat "GODDAMMIT". And then my husband said "good one, babe." I'm hoping she forgets that one! Though, sometimes it sounds like she's cussing me out in her baby gibberish when I tell her to do something she doesn't want to do. Her eyebrows get all furrowed and she points her finger at me and lets out what I believe is a baby rant! It's cute right now, though I imagine it won't be for long, once she starts using real words. Are timeouts too far from now?

Her one-year well-check appt with her pediatrician is Aug 31st, and I'm a little nervous. I believe her health is wonderful, but I know the doctor is going to advise me to start weaning her from the bottle and I'm dreading it! I know we're going to end up going rounds to get her to cut back. It's her only comfort item left. Plus, it means she's not much a baby anymore and that just makes me sad :(.

I will continue to update and wonder if anyone out there cares besides me!

Until then, here's a pic of my darling daughter doing what she does best...making us laugh