Mommy Who?

Well, I'm back, not that Courtney noticed much!
I went to NH for work for the past 3 days and came in late last night. I snuck into her room to watch her sleep and I swear she looked bigger laying there in her crib! She's grown since Monday!

Then, this morning I thought she'd be really excited to see me when she woke up. Not so much...I don't think children this age understand the concept of missing someone (or that's just what I'm telling myself). I expressed my concerns to my mother who then proceeded to tell me that if someone took her from me at this age, she would forget all about me! Thanks mom for the encouraging (and not at all inappropriate) comments.

Ahhh...they grow so fast. Who needs mommy! After all, she will be one this sunday. I can't believe how fast this year went by, how big she's gotten, how much she's changed, how independent she's become. It's been my honor watching her grow this year... (sniff, sniff)

MARTYR MOM




Let me begin by saying that no one can take care of my daughter as well as I can, not even my husband, or my mother. With that being said, I can't be with her all the time, so I will have to settle for mediocre care (being somewhat sarcastic). I have been having trivial issues with Courtney's babysitter lately, and my husband just finallly called me on it. Every day, I find something different to complain about.

For awhile, I complained that the babysitter never dressed her in the clothes I laid out for her the night before. She watches Courtney in our home and gets there shortly after she awakes and doesn't change her out of her pajamas until her morning nap. I always lay her clothes out the night before, but I would come home to find her in something completely different! How dare her rummage through my daughter's dresser and closet to choose other clothes! What was wrong with the outfit I chose..did it not meet her standards! My husband finally pointed out that her granddaughter (who lives next door) was having fun dressing her up in pretty clothes like a doll, and it made her really happy, so let it go already. At least she was wearing clothes she never got to wear anyway and was getting use out of them before she grew out of them. Point taken.

Then, I became irritated that I couldn't always find all her toys in the evening. I'm so anal, I actually count her Weebles, Little People and Books while I clean up before bedtime. Then, I voiced to my husband my suspicion that the babysitter's grandchildren were stealing Courtney's toys! I had to have a conversation with their mother. Then, I would feel like an ass when Casey would find them the next day under the couch!

My current obssession is how I believe the babysitter is not trying hard enough to get Courtney to take her afternoon nap! She doesn't care about her enough to make sure she gets proper sleep. When, in actuality, she is transitioning herself to one nap a day, like most one-year olds do!

So, apparently, I've lost my mind! And it's a good thing I don't voice these concerns to the babysitter, because then I would run the danger of losing an absolutely amazing caregiver. It's borne of guilt for not being with my daughter all day every day, and I know that in my mind, but my heart is quick to make me lash out at everyone because I miss my little girl. But Casey always brings me back to reality. It doesn't get easier, but I should feel fortunate for the help I have.

On a brighter note, my daughter is bilingual! Absolute genius!
She says agua when she wants or sees her cup of water and says "Chito" for Lechito when the babysitter gives her milk. Did I mention her sitter speaks Spanish? Another awesome benefit.

She's also learned to say Thank You, Pee Pee, Baby, Hi, Bye and Fishy!
Did I mention she's a genius?

Separation Anxiety...

I believe I suffer from this more than Courtney does. When I leave her with the babysitter in the morning, she barely lifts her head up from her activities...just raises her hand and says "Bye". I know I should be happy that she loves her babysitter and I no longer suffer from the belief that she thinks she's her mother, but my heart breaks a little every time I leave her.
Next week, I am going on my first ever business trip to New Hampshire for 4 DAYS!. I've never spent more than 12 hours away from her since she's been born, so this is a big deal for me. My stomach aches already just thinking about it. I'm trying to look at it as a nice, welcome break, but in all honesty, I no longer crave a break from her. She's just too darned entertaining! And now that she's sleeping through the night and wakes up later in the morning, I'm not as exhausted as I used to be. I really feel as if I'm getting this whole "mother" thing down and am beginning to forget why I used to think it was so hard!

I am finding that I really don't want too much "me" time. I feel that's wasting time I could be spending with her. And it's not out of guilt, it's because it's genuinely what I want to do. When she goes to sleep, I do my household chores, scrapbook, read, or god forbid, spend some quality time with my husband. Is this really healthy? for me or for my marriage?

For now, I will continue to revel in the fabulousness that is my daughter and do what feels natural. I am proud of her independence and resilience and I hope my husband and I had a little something to do with that!

Another funny story...
She now picks up the telephone, puts it backwards behind her ear and says "no" in the same tone that you or I would say hello. She thinks that's what we're saying when we answer the phone. She then proceeds to walk around the whole house for 10-15 minutes repeating it over and over again, until we tell her to take a message, then she puts it down. I am constantly amazed by how much she actually comprehends.

New word:
Sea Turtle

I swear to god! On her Baby Doolittle video, every time the sea turtle comes on the screen she points to it and says it as clear as day. She's done it several times now so I know it's not my imagination!

She's a genius!

Many people have been advising me to start a blog for all my funny (and some not so funny) stories about my daughter Courtney who will be turning 1 on 8/28. I've been hesitant, because I am a little old-fashioned, but they have a point. I don't want to forget all the wonderful things I'm experiencing on this most amazing adventure. Until recently, I've kept a scrapbook of all of those firsts that occur in the first year of life, but now, things are starting to get really interesting now that she's walking and talking.

Brief history of life:
Born 8/28/04 Courtney Rose 7 lbs 5 oz via C-Section (I'd rather not share that story...still traumatizing)
Began crawling - 6 months
First tooth - 8 1/2 months
Began walking - 9 1/2 months
First real word - 10 months

Current vocabulary:
mommy, daddy, doggy, baba (bottle), NO (her current fave), meow, ball, book, nana, papa, down, night-night, wawa (water), bathtime...and she mimics us a lot, but doesn't usually repeat the words much afterwards

She's a hilarious child, with a wicked sense of humor already. She loves to sing and dance and read books. She watches Baby Einstein Videos and the Playhouse Disney programs.

I will continue to update with stories and milestones or just to vent so that I can keep track of my thoughts through all this. It's about time I began to process what I've experienced during this most wonderful, difficult, exhausting, exhilarating year of my life.

I will begin by sharing the occurrence of Courtney's first swear word. Last night, I was yelling at my dog to get down off her highchair, as I was trying to clean it. My exact words were, "Fred, get down, goddammit!" Then, clear as day, I hear Court from the other room repeat "GODDAMMIT". And then my husband said "good one, babe." I'm hoping she forgets that one! Though, sometimes it sounds like she's cussing me out in her baby gibberish when I tell her to do something she doesn't want to do. Her eyebrows get all furrowed and she points her finger at me and lets out what I believe is a baby rant! It's cute right now, though I imagine it won't be for long, once she starts using real words. Are timeouts too far from now?

Her one-year well-check appt with her pediatrician is Aug 31st, and I'm a little nervous. I believe her health is wonderful, but I know the doctor is going to advise me to start weaning her from the bottle and I'm dreading it! I know we're going to end up going rounds to get her to cut back. It's her only comfort item left. Plus, it means she's not much a baby anymore and that just makes me sad :(.

I will continue to update and wonder if anyone out there cares besides me!

Until then, here's a pic of my darling daughter doing what she does best...making us laugh