I am in bottle hell!

Well, Christmas was wonderful. Court got ridiculously spoiled by her grandparents. She got dolls, a table and chairs, a playhouse for outside, books, videos, a tea set, clothes...I have to rearrange my entire house just to find room for all her new crap! It's also time to give away some of her "baby stuff", as sadly, she's not much of a baby anymore.

When she woke up Christmas morning and saw all her stuff under the tree, her expression was priceless. I will have to upload the pics this week. We didn't wrap anything, because she's not into unwrapping presents yet, but she quickly realized that all that stuff belonged to her! She smiled, with her hair all askew and her puffy sleepy time eyes, and said "ahh! Mommy, Mira!" She didn't know what to play with first. It was wonderful and everything I hoped it would be. I can't wait until next year, when she might understand the whole Santa concept for the first time.

We let her have a couple of bottles on Christmas day, but I was dreading the upcoming week of trying to wean her from the bottle. I started feeling sick Sunday with a bad head cold and cough, so Casey took her to his brother's on Monday so that I could stay home and rest. So, she slept in the car, without needing the bottle. She doesn't ask for it at all during the day. It's just a crutch for her to relax and go to sleep at naptime and at night. So, we decided to give her a sippy cup of milk at night to help her go to sleep. While they were gone on monday, I packed away all her bottles, save for one emergency "baba", and cried the entire time at the idea that my little girl was growing up. Monday night was the first try and we made a big deal about giving her her "big girl baba". It seemed to work and Casey got her to sleep in 20 minutes, but she was pretty exhausted from playing with her cousin all day. Could it be that easy? Was it just a fluke? Sadly, yes it was.

Casey went back to work on Tuesday and I hesistantly began my week as a stay at home mom. Unfortunately, Casey had to stay out of town until Wednesday for work, but I really was all alone with this new daunting task. Spending time with her was wonderful, but she gets bored of mommy pretty quickly, so we went to my parents late in the morning to hang out. She fell asleep in the car, which sucks because it means it will be harder to get her to take a nap later in the day. But, I tried anyway, around 2 pm, to give her a nap at my parents, and she proceeded to have the biggest temper tantrum, in the history of all temper tantrums. She acted like a crazy girl for like 45 minutes, throwing herself on the ground, shaking her head back and forth and screaming "no, no, no" over and over again. My parents were looking at me with fear in their eyes because they've never seen a child so little throw such a fit. It was embarrassing, but I just left her alone because she was inconsolable. She didn't want anyone to touch her or talk to her.

So, I gave up, and my dad came home with me to keep me company while Casey was away, and she fell asleep in the car on the way home again! I bravely tried again that night, but she flipped out again, so I just left her in her crib to cry it out. She threw everything out of her crib. I knew this was occurring, because I could hear her count "1-2-3" every time she threw something. She insists on counting it off every time she throws something, whether in anger or fun. I went in there several times and everything was out of her crib. I finally caved and put a bottle in her crib and about 15 minutes later, there was silence. I went in there and she was asleep with both arms wrapped around her empty bottle. Maybe she's just not ready. This seems pretty cruel. I'm a horrible mother. All these things were running through my head. But I vowed to try again the next day

The next day proved no easier. I tried it at naptime and let her cry for 45 minutes until she fell asleep with her arms around her new doll. I didn't cave this time, but I didn't feel better about it. She was scared and started crying the minute I walked into her room with her and had to peel her away from me to put her in her crib. She's never been like that. She loved to go night-night and loved being in her room. I was ruining all that for her...for us. Was it really worth it in order to follow some arbitrary guidelines/deadlines set forth by a pediatrician who barely knows her?

That night she fell asleep in the car on the way home from my parents, and she stayed asleep as I transferred her into her crib. Thank god! A reprieve!

I stubbornly tried again the next day at naptime, and as I sat in the hallway outside her room sobbing as I listened to my little girl, crying "mommy, mommy" over agin, I said enough is enough. I brought her out and apologized to her. We cuddled on the couch and a half hour later I put her in her crib with her bottle and she fell fast asleep. I called my husband to tell him what I did and he was furious, but I didn't care.

We talked later and we decided that taking both bottles away from her cold turkey, was not right for her and we vowed to try and transition her away from the bottle at nighttime and keep her naptime bottle for awhile. Casey was successful in giving her her big girl baba again and read to her until she went to sleep bottle free. He's been able to do that pretty much ever since, though it takes a little longer. She seems to be over the bottle withdrawal, but is still a little traumatized by the crying it out I let her do last week. She's still a little scared at first when we put her down and has had a couple of tantrums, even one in the middle of the night new year's eve for 2 hours! But I'm hoping she'll get over it and start to feel safe and secure again. I regret doing what I did, and I don't feel right about it. I succumbed to the pressure of the pediatrician and other uppity mothers. Instead, I should continue to follow the cues of my daughter, which has never led me astray.

We'll keep chipping away at it, but I refuse to abide by any deadlines. She's still just a baby, no matter how grown up she acts, and I shouldn't lose sight of it. It pains me to say this, but my mother was right AGAIN! I hate that!